The Singles' Club
by 1000GreenSun
Summary: The network demands that the single campers must attend a Singles' Club until everyone has hooked up. The single campers learn more about each other and grow closer. A certain beaver brings Chris closer to his lady. Surprise crack! pairings.


**Title:** The Singles' Club

**Rating:** K+

**Pairings:** Read on to find out!

**Summary:** The network demands that the single campers must attend a Singles' Club until everyone has hooked up. Chris and Chef don't take to this well, but do it anyway. Who hooks up with whom? How many wives has Chris had? How can a beaver bring two individuals closer to one another? Crack!Parings

**Warning(s)-** Slight (or heavy) crack!pairings

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything. This piece of writing is not meant as infringement and TDI belongs to its respective owners. DUH! I own my OC, Lena.

**Author's Note: **This takes place maybe right before the Gwen vs. Owen showdown, I guess? It's not a real challenge, but hey. There are a few crack!pairings, but I couldn't add in my favorite one- Trent/Lindsay. I'm not the only one who sees it. I know it. As for the single campers, here are the pairings I considered- D/C, B/G, G/T, I/O, L/T, L/H. Everyone else had to come to Singles' Club. Also, this is an alternate way Chris and Lena get together; it's no way connected to A Walk In the Forest. DJ's bunny is a girl and Lena's beaver is a dude. Lena replaces Sadie in this (and all) of my fics. Enjoy!!

--

"So, what are we doing here again?" DJ asked Chris. Around half of the campers on Total Drama Island were gathered in the Mess Hall along with Chris and Chef, both of whom weren't amused. The network wanted more hook-ups, as ratings were slowly decreasing.

"The network suggested we have a 'Singles' Club'," Chris grumbled.

"A 'Singles Club'?" Noah asked, using air quotes.

"What's the point?" Lena asked, bored. She rubbed the beaver that was in her lap right behind the ears.

"It's for sorry, lonely maggots like yourselves to find solace and happiness in one another!" Chef answered gruffly.

"Then why are you two here?" Heather asked snidely.

"I, for one, am not single. I've got a wife and three kids who absolutely love my food," Chef replied. "Chris here," Chef motioned to Chris, "Just divorced his... third wife?"

"Fifth. Close, my man," Chris corrected.

"I feel so sorry for your kids!" Katie put her hand over her mouth. Chef glared at her and and she settled down.

"I want out!" Eva said angrily.

"You leave as soon as you find HAPPINESS AND SOLACE IN ANOTHER CAMPER! DO YOU HEAR ME??" Chef demanded.

"Yes, Sir," Eva squeaked.

"It has to be a camper, eh?" Ezekiel said more than asked. All eyes turned towards DJ's bunny and Lena's beaver.

"What?" they asked at the same time.

"Well, I'm out," Chef left for the kitchen.

"We can go as soon as we find someone?" Noah asked. Chris nodded in response. "Any takers?"

"Come on, bookworm," Heather held his hand and dragged him out of the cafeteria.

"Two down, nine to go," Chris stated, looking at his stopwatch.

"Wait... Doesn't that mean one person doesn't get someone?" Cody inquired.

"It does, doesn't it!" Beth said excitedly. She looked at Cody, "Wow, you've got such a cute nose!"

"Thanks, you too?" Cody complimented her.

"Thanks!" Beth exclaimed. "Say, I know this really pretty spot on the island, do you wanna go there?"

"Uh, sure..." Cody answered. The two stepped out of the Mess Hall.

"Four down, Seven to go," Chris commented as he sat on a table. Lena continued to play with her beaver, as did DJ with his bunny. Justin and Katie admired his reflection in a glass of water. Eva growled at anyone who made eye contact with her and Ezekiel spent his time trying not to make eye contact with her.

"Nobody's like, doing anything," Katie said. "Like, hooking up kinda stuff."

"Have some icebreakers," Chris tossed some note cards in the air.

"Favorite food, eh?" Ezekiel looked up at the person sitting across from him... Eva.

"Sushi," Eva grunted.

"Me too. What's the chance, eh?" Ezekiel grinned.

"Favorite past time?" Eva asked him, reading off of the note cards.

"I used to work-out a lot, but now, I think gardening. It's good, eh?"

"You? Work out?" Eva laughed.

"What's so funny, eh?"

"Sorry, I-" Eva wiped a tear from her eye as she laughed heartily. "I could give you some tips, if you want," Eva offered genuinely. "I'm not going to let anyone disgrace the face of any gym," she added harshly.

"Okay," Ezekiel shrugged. The two got up and left the room.

On their way out, Lena asked, "Really? You work-out?"

Ezekiel turned to her and mouthed 'No'. Everyone but Eva saw it.

"That leaves DJ, Lena, Katie and Justin," Chris announced.

"I think Justin and Katie are as close as they'll ever get," Lena commented as both of them fawned over Justin's looks.

"Fair enough," Chris shrugged. Katie and Justin got to exit, leaving DJ, Chris and Lena.

"Can we say that we hooked up, but not?" DJ asked.

"The faster you two do this, the faster we can go," Chris said impatiently.

"No offense, DJ, but I think the most we'll ever be, is buddies," Lena said gently.

"It's fine," DJ nodded. "Can I go take a leak?"

"Sure, fine, whatever," Chris flicked his wrist, severely bored. After DJ left temporarily, the only ones remaining were Chris, Lena and her beaver. The beaver looked at Chris and he glared back at it.

"Stupid beavers," Chris mumbled.

"Hm?" Lena asked.

"Nothing," Chris began to bang his head on the table. Lena looked at him quizzically, and returned to playing with her beaver. Little did he know of the bright red blush crawling up Lena's neck.

"Potato Peels!" Lena said randomly, out of the blue.

"Okay..."

"It's an icebreaker, see?" Lena held up the lined notecard.

"Sure."

"You look sleepy," Lena observed.

"Yeah, because I am," Chris replied. "OW!" Chris fell off the table in pain as Lena's beaver bit him.

"Peaches!" Lena scolded the beaver. It shrugged in response. Lena walked over to Chris, finding him unconscious. "Help! Someone!!"

Chef walked into the Mess Hall after hearing Lena's cry for help. "He's going to need CPR," Chef rubbed his chin as he observed Chris's state.

"I know CPR!" Lena said excitedly. "I mean, uh, you're taught lots of stuff in the bighouse..."

"Alright, you try, then," Chef stepped back. Lena kneeled on the floor and held her hair back. She slowly moved down to Chris until their lips met. She continued to revive him until...

"AH!" Chris sat up. He looked left and saw Chef reading a magazine and looked right and saw a blushing Lena with a beaver wrapped around her shoulder. "You!" Chris lunged for Lena, knocking the beaver off of her shoulder. He wrestled the animal until Lena intervened.

"What are you doing?" She picked up Peaches and it crawled up onto her shoulder.

"FU-(CENSORED) beaver!!" Chris yelled. Lena's eyes widened. Chris glared at the beaver. "Look what happened to my hair!"

"I'm out, again," Chef left, leaving Chris, Lena and the crazy beaver.

"Peaches, you should apologize for knocking Chris out," Lena told the beaver. He chittered (A/N- Do beavers chitter?) and turned away.

"Knocked out? Seriously?" Chris said. "Don't tell me Nurse Chef..."

"No," Lena blushed.

"THE BEAVER???" Chris said rabidly.

"No," Lena blushed.

"Oh, you..." Chris said slowly, slightly turning towards her.

"Yeah," Lena said shyly.

"Seriously?" Chris raised an eyebrow.

"Yes," Lena looked downward.

"That was some hardcore stuff," Chris commented. He scooted closer to Lena, who was just blushing profusely. "You like me, don't you?"

Lena just looked down.

"Can't blame you. I know how awesome I am," Chris said, smirking. He moved even closer to her. She finally looked up at him and she did the same. In no time at all, the two were locked in a soft kiss that ended too soon.

"You're really good," Lena said, pushing a strand of hair behind her ears.

"I know," Chris grinned.

"Wanna do it again?" Lena asked.

"Do I!" Chris wrapped his arms around her waist as she wrapped hers around his neck.

DJ, who had spent his time in the bathroom finally returned. When he walked into the mess hall, his jaw dropped to the ground.

There on the table, laid Bunny and Peaches cuddled intimately.

--

Poor DJ! He's the only one who didn't get a hook up. Please lemme know what you think! Reviews are always welcome!!


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